It's not that I don't like polite men. Puh-lease! A gentleman is still a hot commodity. What I find I have issues with is polite men being polite to me in a sexual kind of way. What does that even mean, right?
Well, take for example, opening a door. That's nice of them to open a door to a restaurant or something, in fact it reflects a lot on his upbringing and is just plain nice.
But I think I can get my own door to a vehicle. I'm just saying. It gets into a weird kind of jibe when a man comes around to unlock and open my door for me. What am I supposed to do with my arms? Hang them limply to the side like the twit I am? So I shuffle in, already kind of nervous and awkward and he waits patiently before he shuts the door for me, then goes around the car so he can get in. Now, this whole time (and I know its only a matter of seconds, but when ur uncomfortable it seems like decades) The only thing running through my head is "What am i suppose to say now?"
Assuming we had a good time wherever it is we were, one little move and suddenly its awkward city. I wonder whats running through his mind and what his expectations will be or how they change in my mind. How I view him changes in my mind, as well. Grr!!!
Another one is at a restaurant when a guy hold out a chair for you and waits for you to be seated.....to push you in? What am i? 5yrs old? Besides the fact that this is awkward because he doesn't know how close or far i want to sit from the table and I'm embarrassed that he has to push my weight along with the chairs. Now, I am all kinds of self-conscious. Not a good way to start the evening. Especially when Im about to start eating.
When I think of polite guys, I have a really nice romantic notion taken form movies like Gone With The Wind, my perception of English men, my perception of Southern men, and countless hours of regency romance novels. Sound wonderful.....until its 2011, and instead of being shuffled off to a dance like a nice little filly, you're chilling at a bowling alley or went to watch Tron 3D. In this modern context, it just seems weird and makes me AWKWARD.
Or maybe Im just weird like that? I do have a pretty dominant personality. I know this. I naturally assume the bossiest position and my friends are either used to it, or let me and ignore me anyway. lol! Either way, when its with someone I know and am comfortable, its not a big deal.
I fear all these books I read are getting to me. Its all about hierarchy and dominance games. Naturally, I don't want to come across as a submissive. Letting someone know you are a submissive opens all cans of worms through inference. Some good, some not so much. And so much is primal human nature. Some people are loathe to admit it, but I think everyone does it. Think about when you first meet someone. You're very careful about what your body language and what you say...they are all social cues to what you want to be perceived at and results in your pecking order status.
If someone meets a celebrity or whatever and fawns and gushes and makes a big deal, naturally, you think that they are giving him social cues that the celebrity is dominant. He is better, richer, happier, more than. This might not give him anything, but it might also give him a sense of superiority or, happiness or whatever. Either way, they are sub-conscious things you don't think about and don't say out loud, but when you stop to think on them, make an uncomfortable kind of sense.
And I am not some Damsel in Distress. As fun and romantic as that might seem to be, the reality is that's just not me. Sure, I bat my lashes and pout my lips to get my way, but I know what Im doing when I do it. This is the flip side of that, I guess. It's like they are taking the leverage from me. I want then to perceive me as collected and COMPETENT. I'm a self rescuing princess. Doing little "polite" things like that means they've inferred me as incompetent and a ninny.
Definitely don't want to be that. I want to be the kick ass girl, not the damsel.
Well, my rant is spent.......and I still like a jacket offered when I'm cold. And its nice offering to pay sometimes, but let me pull my own weight too. And for God Sakes, let me open my own door and pull in my own chair. Im just saying.
