I've been turning the whole relationship thing over in my mind and still don't really have anything figured out. I swear, the more I know of the world, the less I understand it. Its almost comical. I used to wonder why social sciences intruiged me so. I've always been one with an avid curiosity, but sociology and psychology, these worlds facinated me and I couldn't really understand why.
Now, after much reflection and aimless thought, i think in my own unconcious way i was trying to prepare myself. As an "A" type control freak, I need to be prepared. In my own akward weird way, I was trying to glean as much information as possible so that when real life hit, it would be a cake walk.
I think real life is hitting, and it is anything but. I've read about love and loss, about heartaches and breaks, friendships, coming of age things, relationships, jobs, money education careers, choices....you name it, I've probably come across it in print at one point or another. I should be prepared.
Its like those people that read those "worst case scenario" books. I just want to know that I can think on the fly and have an out.
Real life is hard. All my studying and reading comes to no fruition at all. I am as lost as if I myself were a character in a book and have no idea what I am doing. At least I can admit it.
My love life is a disaster, my social life is complicated, I like my job, but my economic scene is a mess. I think Im going to stick to the books I love so much. Those tomes to which I so desperately cleave have better things happening than what actually is.
In conclusion, I don't know anything....I try and end up understanding less and no matter how much I try, my grip keeps slackening and Im going to leave this world the same way in which I came in. Tabula Rasa.
