Parents as kids

We had to call the Hermano after talking to D, the realtor.

Hermano is letting the papas have it for fighting the way they do. This is the first time in 3 years we r all in the same house together and talking.

Maybe this forclosure scare is like C says and is like another finger thing. Blessing in disguise

Gotta run Hermano is pretty upset.


- Meow

Self mutilation

I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment.

I knew I shouldn't have gone to his facebook, but it was like a slow-moe car accident. You see it coming, and u know u should move, but u don't.

I saw his, and his girlfriends. Fucking want to crawl in a hole and die.

Why do I build up what we had and who we were?

He was a dick. I was a bitch. We broke up. We r over. Let it die. I need to let it go.

Not like I don't have guys who hover and r attracted and want me. No, I don't like those guys. I like to fixate on the assholes.

But as much as it hurt, I needed it.

It is much better to wrap myself in righteous anger than it is to wallow in self pity.

Like my new roll dog, Lu said..."get over it"

Time to nut up, or shut up.

- Meow

My mothers daughter

My mother is slowly losing her mind. She forgets things to the point where it affects the mundane.

I've been studying psychology for years and no one ever impacted to me that pearl of wisdom.

It's our fault. She forgets where she goes and how she gets places, how then am I...are we expecting her to manage the finances?

She started crying today. She says she knows it's her fault because she sometimes forgets payment.

It is not her fault. It's our fault. It's my fault for not seeing.

Because of my ignorance and incompetence, we our drowning in debt and might lose our home.

Why did we leave that burden on one person. Much less someone who has depression, anxiety, and possible memory issues?

It is all of our faults. The children included. We are adults now. We must take more responsibility.

I grow tired of crying so much.

- Meow

Candles and voyeurs

I am a voyeur in this world. I am now convinced that I've come into it only to observe.

I see people pictures, I read peoples lives and I do nothing. I am nothing special to no one.

How would the world be if my light was snuffed out? Mom and dad would miss me, maybe also LB.......the end.

I was someones world once, I like to think. He was also mine. I never felt more loved. Ever. I miss him. I still love him. But our time passed and he's moved on.

Gawd, I wish there was a stronger wind and this stupid candle would just go the f@ck off. Instead, the wind comes and goes and I flicker, burning myself to nothingness. The fat drops of wax that race down my disapearing taper, the silent tears that roll down my fat cheek. One day, the many rivulets of wax will over run the candle and put the poor smothered flame out of it's misery.

Does this make this the day that darkness prevails?

- Meow

Location:Bed after an interesting Hormonal Day and talk w Lu

Real life is a bitch

This morning, my mom had the worst and most horrible break down I have ever seen. I rarely have seen my mother cry and for her to come to my room bawling and ranting how she's sorry and she let everyone down, scared me more than words can describe.

I had to grab her head in both my hands and force her to look me in the eyes as I tried to reassure her everything would be okay.

I hated it. I couldn't break down because she was already having an anxiety attack.

I've never hurt so much in my life.

- Meow