Musings :)

It struck me today on the dance floor of Tigerheat. As I wiped the soggy hair off my sweaty face with the hand not holding my cute but painful high heels. Bodies grunting and grinding to the beat. We are all individual, yet we are all the same. We are the same entity pumping to the beat, all of us looking for a few hours oblivion or distraction to songs we sing into invisible mikes.......and this is happiness.

I'm pulling down my skirt before I flash someone, my feet are killing me, my shoes are poking people in the head, and yet this is the happiest I've been in a long time. Just me and my friends swaying back and forth to songs I don't even know half the time.

I hope to be pretty old. A funny old biddy who says inappropriate things and gets away w it cuz she's old. Lol! But if I don't, I know that these moments of sweat and alcohol are going to be moments that flash before my eyes about happiness.

I love that we are there for each other. The guys hating on the goober, feeling my shame and embarrassment. Us feeling for my baby daddy and trying to mitigate the pain of losing someone he loved so much, and us sharing in Milti's foibles and adventures because even after all the shit we talk, we only wish we were half as brave as him, putting ourselves out there so freely and with such abandonment.

Then there is SL, my boo. Who FINALLY got his man. And SC who is the cutest little butchy lesbian you'll ever meet, and of course, APT, who is as gay as x-mas but will come out when he is good and ready.

Whatever our problems, however different they are, for at least a few hours of groping and sweating, we are everything and nothing to each other before heading back into the real world that's full of expectations and disappointments. For a few hours, at least we really are super stars and sexy models sashaying our hips and breathing on each other smelling of booze and cigarettes. And I repeat, happiest nights ever :)


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FML again!!! I'm at avalon dancing in my cute Baker shoes that FUKKIN HURT!!! But I refuse to take them off!!! I look good


- (=^_^=) meow

Am I overthinking things? They say to just need to be myself. Be myself? How can I do that when I don't know who I am.

Douche bag MR G!!!


- (=^_^=) meow

So here is the dealio. I toed the line and put myself out there AGAIN and got slapped in the face. Apparently the girl I thought was the cool friendly one, was a FREINDEMY. wtf? I've never had one of those.

IDK how I feel. I think I need to process. I need my baby daddy or my girls to help me sort out what I feel. I'm not crushed like I was w the H. I'm not sad like I was w J...I'm kinda relieved, but my ego also feels kinda insulted. I can't wait to pour this night over w my Baby Daddy and see what he makes of it cuz right now I'm too buzzed to make heads or tails of it.

The FREINDEMY thing ticks me off the most. Y she acting like my bestie and then text him to come over soon as my back is turned? Dude! Not cool. Boys are like buses...new one here in 15 min, but girls are supposed to signify solidarity. I think that ticks me off more than anything.. Well, Mr G, I can honestly say, hand on my heart, that I ave it a try. Shit didn't work out. Time to move on too the next one.

I miss J.

I gotta talk to the boss man KJ and tell him wha ha happened. Last post of the night. I swear it. Goodnight!

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Location:Bed

Definitely an FML situation. I'm really drunk and it's unfair, but I need him to decide even though I won't. I'm such a mess. Idk what I want.

He makes makes kinda happy. I like being w him and the physical proximity was great, but if neither of us knows what we want, what the HELl are we doing? FML. fML. FML. fML.

When did my llufe get so complicated? I need my girls.. Or my baby daddy to help sort it out. FML.
- (=^_^=) meow

Fml. I's drunk. Idk what that means in terms of me and mr. G. I'm drunk enough to not care.....but I can't turn off my brain. Shit!!!!!!!! Has anyone ever been in my shoes? I feel every girl everywhere has been where I'm at. U don't know where u stand, but ur drunk enough u don't care. I guess tomorrow's update might be better. More informative at least.


- (=^_^=) meow

Location:S Grand Ave,Los Angeles,United States

Words of advice...

The words of advice as given by a Lovely Complex....

"if u meet someone and fall in love, and if loving that person makes you hate yourself, they are not ur destiny"

Hahaha. Too true


- (=^_^=) meow