BBQs, birfdays, and being hungover

Confused again. H came in and came around a couple of times but I couldn't acknowledge him because I was so busy, but as I finally made my way to the back, I bumped into him and he gave me this look.

Being me, I punched him on his arm and said Happy Belated.

He nodded and said he wasbwaiting to see how long it would take me. That he'd been coming around me and I didn't say anything.

I punched him again. And wished him another Happy Birthday.

Why is he even conceded if I remember? I'm tired and cranky and I'm so hungover and ready to knock out. Something else to bug me and pick at the back of my mind

- Meow

To forget

So to keep busy today was a GOOD day. Started off w some Little Tokyo and D-licious OROCHON and then went shopping and ended the night with baby daddy, his bro and cunada @a random bar for lezbian night for bro's coworker's girlfriends bday! Fan-freaking-tabulous. I'm going to be hella hung over tomorrow morning for


work, but in a good way


- Meow

Birthdays

So in less than 45 is H bday :( Although we talk (as friendly aquaintences) I member his bday. Twenty five. The age I became when we were together. I wish him well, I just wish I didn't remeber or care. Maybe next year. Btw, I'm not as excited about my looming bday....twenty seven is old. Boo


- Meow

Friends

So yesterday was an emotional day....and I'm not even hormonal ne more. J offered to loan me the monies needed to cover my family. Made me start crying.

L made me cry the other day. He went off bout H and made me cry too. I think I scurred him. It was just the straw that broke the camels back and I broke down.

L's been understanding and nice, in fact all my boys have been, even H, who's been stopping by to tell me lame jokes he knows I love to make me laugh.

Le sigh. My friends have really come together to help me be it emotionally, psychologically, or economically.

I sometimes worry that my IH-DA is getting more attached to me than he should. He text me the other day telling me he loved me. Lol. Joking around...he didn't even have to b drunk, he told me. Today he told me he appreciated me and was glad something brought us into each others path so we can meet cuz I'm funny and smart and pretty.

I laughed, like I know he meant me too, and my tummy did that little flip, but I dunno how I feel about myself right now, much less a guy.

I treasure him and his perspectives. I txt him when I dated the puppy! I hope nothing compromises our friendship.



- Meow

Parents as kids

We had to call the Hermano after talking to D, the realtor.

Hermano is letting the papas have it for fighting the way they do. This is the first time in 3 years we r all in the same house together and talking.

Maybe this forclosure scare is like C says and is like another finger thing. Blessing in disguise

Gotta run Hermano is pretty upset.


- Meow

Self mutilation

I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment.

I knew I shouldn't have gone to his facebook, but it was like a slow-moe car accident. You see it coming, and u know u should move, but u don't.

I saw his, and his girlfriends. Fucking want to crawl in a hole and die.

Why do I build up what we had and who we were?

He was a dick. I was a bitch. We broke up. We r over. Let it die. I need to let it go.

Not like I don't have guys who hover and r attracted and want me. No, I don't like those guys. I like to fixate on the assholes.

But as much as it hurt, I needed it.

It is much better to wrap myself in righteous anger than it is to wallow in self pity.

Like my new roll dog, Lu said..."get over it"

Time to nut up, or shut up.

- Meow

My mothers daughter

My mother is slowly losing her mind. She forgets things to the point where it affects the mundane.

I've been studying psychology for years and no one ever impacted to me that pearl of wisdom.

It's our fault. She forgets where she goes and how she gets places, how then am I...are we expecting her to manage the finances?

She started crying today. She says she knows it's her fault because she sometimes forgets payment.

It is not her fault. It's our fault. It's my fault for not seeing.

Because of my ignorance and incompetence, we our drowning in debt and might lose our home.

Why did we leave that burden on one person. Much less someone who has depression, anxiety, and possible memory issues?

It is all of our faults. The children included. We are adults now. We must take more responsibility.

I grow tired of crying so much.

- Meow